i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
