Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
