Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
