i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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