Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
