why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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