Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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