do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
