Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize