I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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