just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
