Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
