its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize