Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
