What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you had me at cake vodka
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
