goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
