i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
