Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
