dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
