I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
