I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Randomize
