some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
