I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
