I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
