You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize