so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
