I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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