You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize