If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
