Your mouth is God's brothel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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