You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
