Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
