So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
