Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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