Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
