Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
