He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
