There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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