I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We left the knife in your bed.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
