Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you didnt know i had herpes?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
