I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
