if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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