What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just forgot I was standing up.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
