I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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