So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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