Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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