He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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