I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
