I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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