i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
