Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
