I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize