Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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