I cut my penus on the lid.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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