im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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