If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
