the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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