afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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