Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
