my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
