Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
