the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
