i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
